::: Golden Week, Part Oito (8) LOST IN TRANSLATION
Gotta love cell phones with Camera's. Thanks to Motorola and Nokia, we have documented the adventure for your viewing pleasure. 
"Emergency Reception"
We arrive at the hospital to find the Emergency Room entrance blocked off for construction. Perfect. A small concern in light of the explosive diarrhea I feel coming on again. And we have to go for a little walk to get to where we are heading. Its not the diarrhea that is the problem. But, most public places in China only have what we would call 'squatty potties.' Basically it's a porcelain hole in the floor where you...well squat. Not even hover. Knees bent, pants around your ankles and give it heck. Well...if I had aiming control it would not be a problem. Basically I do what any good Westerner would do...I clench...and clench hard. I am motivated by the thought that I would have to burn the clothes I came in with and the room would need hosing down afterward if I allowed the clenching to cease. Not on my watch.
"Emergency Observation Ward"
Down this hallway is where...well...you get observed. But Instead I decide to have a moment of reality and survey the situation.
Then...I make a decision...I have video capabilities on my camera! Time for a Last Will and Testament! I begin rolling the beautiful bean footage footage!
I am waiting and just sitting. It's only a few minutes and there are tons of people here. It looks like a frustrating wait to see a doctor. AHHH...but not if you know the Chief of Staff!!! We are ushered into a seperate area for a consult. The Doc checks me out. He takes us into another room and gets started right away. He asks me some questions and basically we determine that it has to be Food Poisoning. The term used is Acute Gastroenteritis. And then the confusion begins.
First of all. Out comes the Thermometer. All I can do is look for the mercury tip on that thing. If it's long...that is a good sign, oral thermometer. If it is short...um...not getting my temperature taken that way...especially if they knew the kind of night I had before. It's long. Phew. I open my mouth to take the thermometer and the Doc is like "WHOA! No, no ,no." Crap...I think to myself...it is a rectal thermometer!!!! Gheez this keeps getting more and more awkward.
Then relief comes when he says, "In China we take the temperature in the armpit." Ahhh...much better. But, I'm like...you sure you wanna do that there big guy? I mean these guys are special...Hyper-Hydrosis my friend...HYPER!
I usually peg low on the 'ol body temp. I had a 100.3 temp. High for 'ol Mold.
Then the wierdest thing happens. The other Doctor in the room that is talking to mine and taking notes all of a sudden takes another patient. I was like...look lady...get the crap out of my way. I am being treated here! I wanted to stand up and just yell...I mean let her have it. Ohhhh it pissed me off. But hey...TIC...This is China, they just do things differently.
After the consult the scripts are written and my bill comes to a total of $170. You must pay before you get to the next step. John goes and pays the $170 cause he is such an awesome man...and that it only adds up to about $17 bucks! It was expensive because they prescribed imported medicines. So, you know...first class for mold. The doc gets the scripts and says, "Follow me."
We head off into the hallways of the hospital and out the door to another building. He finds me a bed instead of a chair and I get a place to lay down. Incredibly kind of him.
Looks like I am not the only wiped out one. Jenn grabs a little rest too.
5 comments:
This is just unreal. I say this, because I was not the person experiencing it! It was very, very real to you. Sorry, so sorry that you had to go through this. At the very least, let's just say it has lent itself to some very interesting reading....
....and don't you EVER think you're gonna die a world apart from me, my brother,I will get on the next plane to come over and KYA if ya know what I mean!
And to Jenn and John, God Bless them. I have to wonder, at what point did you surrender from the whole "I'm a guest in someone's house and should do thing in certain ways" to the, "look out, Mama, hare she blows!" No pun intended, ;) wink, wink
I love ya, man, thanks for living!
GOOOOOOOOOOD GOZA!!!...What else can I say to that...I kinda wanna see what you recorded on your phone...did you leave anything to me?...it's not really important, I just wanna know...not that it matters...really....it doesn't...as a matter of fact you can just delete the video...I don't care...forget it ever happened...I won't be offended at all...it's not a big deal to me.........what was I talking about again?
Hi "sis": I apprecitate you saying "God bless Jenn & John", but who really deserves God's blessing is our housekeeper who's still finding bits & pieces of Michael on our floor, walls, ceilings, etc!!!! I've had to learn a bunch of new vocabulary words in Chinese to even try to explain to her what happened here during that eventful 36 hours while she was not here! Keep reading because the story isn't quite over yet.
And to you, Shelby: I think MM left me his Mac and his ipod in that "last will & testament". I think I recall him saying something like "and to Shelby, I leave my student loans". Just kidding bro, love ya!! John in X-city
GEEZ MIKE, you look like crap! the runs are ALWAYS FUN! and i'm sure they are even MORE FUN whenever you get them in a foreign land from foreign food...is it still considered foreign to you since you are actually living there? Then, instead of eating just saltines and 7up, what would you eat? White rice and saki or tea? Well my friend, I hope you and your intestinal track are getting along splendidly. Just think after you get the runs you get to eat like crazy because you are all empty! gosh thats awesome. "I GOTS TO GET MY COLON CLEANSED" (Nutty Professor, my boy eddie murphy). Well its late here. I shall think of you when i'm on the throne while squeezing and relaxing in my own brand.
You are always leaving me wanting more somehow!
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